Wednesday, January 20, 2010


"If Hyper-Turbos are the crack of online poker & live NL cash = paint dry, then FullTilt's Rushpoker is mainlining pure essence o' Redbull with a Wagner paint gun."
- Not-so-Anonymous Live Donkey Rationalizationaments, Jan 2010

PLO CrystalMeth edition just arrived on FTP, so far just $0.10-$0.25.

Looks like Stars won't be offering anything like this soon, I hope they change their minds about this. Might have made the Elite run closer to doable.

So if anyone is wondering why I typically look like someone ready to poke out his own eyeballs when I play live, maybe stats from my online sesh today will help:
- 4 tables of TAG Rush PLO play for just over an hour (VPIP = 20%)
- 1,002 hands, raised pre-flop a moderate 113 times
- Not a lot of play / action / decisions, only got to see 182 flops in the hour
- Ran below expectation and only got AAxx 22 times.

So yeah, I ran 10-15% below expectation for an hour, got Aces 22 times (which are kinda fun to play), and went to showdown 40 times.

Not that it would take much longer playing live NL, you can expect to see Aces 22 times almost every time you put in a modest 7 1/2-day straight session without sleep! So there's that.

Another fun way to look at the Live NL Play ThrillOMeter: if I play CrackamentRushPLO for 10 hours today, I'll see an average of 250 hands with Aces. If you play live holdem 40 hours/week for a year, you have nearly a coin flip shot at seeing that many AA preflop by the end of 2010, so that's pretty exciting too. Wheeeee!!!!!

Executive Summary:
I might like Rush poker more than live cash games.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Warning: Whiny Content

Just trying to break even & run up VPPs to get this freaking Stars $2k bonus -> Nam-style flashbacks of my ill-fated SNE Run. Seriously, WTF?

No more tourneys, no more poker-related email, no 2+2, no Cake Gold Stack fun, no poker anything except PokerStars cash game VPP grind until I get this albatross of a 200k VPP bonus off my ass.

Oh, and SuperNova probably out for 2010. Why? Because fuck them and their 14-buyin below EV downticks in a week, that's why.

Friday, October 30, 2009

2009 in (way early) Review

This won't come as a surprise, but I haven't been updating the old blog anymore. More or less anything that requires regular effort uncomfortably stirs the embers of the jobament-phobia fires and therefore needs to just go away.

But I figured I could fire the occasional barrel here to update anyone who might care about my poker life. I was reviewing Mr. PokerLog and decided it was a good semi-random time for an annual recap. So here we go:

No surprise, but early 2009 not so good in the land of pokerz.

- As of April 5th
Stucko about $1k after oh 400-ish hours of self-induced misery we'll sum up as the EliteTardNova chase from hell. Once again, what was I thinking?

- August / Sept 2009
In an uber-rare positive poker experience, Pat & I have a great online satellite run & win a bunch of $200, $300, and $500 seats for Stars WCOOP online donkament series. He also goes on a crazy good Cake donkament run and is firing me chop $ shells almost nightly.

As of Sept 15th 9:30pm, we're now 8 1/2 months and close to 1,000 violent-head-rubbing, laptop-whacking, open palm-smacking hours into our poker year, and YTD win has reached the lofty number of an eye-popping $14k. Yee haw. We've reached an hourly earn rate that many of the non-management types at MickeyD's could envy.

To add to the good times, after putting it off for only, oh, 2 or 3 months, I had just gone to lunch with an old consulting colleague to discuss possible work. Now I happen to like the guy a lot (he's actually fun hang with in or out of work, we used to have work days in his office filled with marathon sessions of games on his Mac followed by up outings to Kimball farms driving range). But I probably don't need to tell you just how giddy with joy I was before, during, and after that jobament-related outing. Ah the wistful day-dreaming about all the good work times, the glamour of business travel, the delicious discipline of getting up by 8am regularly, the delightful ambience of overhead flourescent lighting, not to mention the sheer tactile pleasure of donning dress pants & shoes with a crisp, snappy collared shirt (extra starch please!). Oh the longing for a full-time+ gig grinding out extra profit for some mega-corporation it stirs up in me even now. But I digress...

- Sept 15th about 9:45 pm.
With the ever-growing doom-filled sense that poker may be only a marginally less painful Evil vs. the possible jobament looming ever larger in my future, I'm not even playing online. However, I am sweating Pat in his $530 WCOOP Stud Hi/Lo donkament before bed. (Yeah, I was about to go to bed. You know poker's bad when I'm going to bed before 10pm).

Splasher's arrrrrin with a ~6BB / 1,300 chip stack - he gets it in good & doubles up to 3k. Rinse & repeat 2 more arrrin's again over next orbit or two and nows he's pretty robusto. Well, we're swapping pieces and I love to sweat / cheerlead, so I decide to fire up a random tourney or two for something to do while I rail him.

So I spark up FullTilt and there's a minute or two left in late reg for some random $20+2 Turbo donkament... fire! Splasher gets involved in a big pot, so I get distracted (shocker) and watch it unfold. Naturally, this being Stud Hi/Lo, it takes roughly 19 minutes for all 13 streets worth of queer min-bet action to unfold to the dramatic conclusion where 2 people inevitably chop up a split pot for a monster 2% increase in their stacks.

By the time I notice the beeping and remember I had reg'd for a donkament, I look down to see that not only is this a Turbo, it's 6-max, I've been blinded out for over an orbit. Blinds = 50-100 (and about to go up, as they did every 5 minutes), my stack = 1,350 (vs avg of over 3k), oh and it turns out there 1000s of people left out of the 7,634 people who reg'd. Solid value for my 22 bucks, with me snuggled down in in the bottom 10% of the field. Well at least it'll likely be a quick painless Turbo death, as I notice I'm UTG with a medium Ace (AT or AJ I think), so shovey mcshove isacomin'.

Fast forward through ~1 hour of Luckbox running in Harp mode to what what may be the most delicious poker karma I ever get to deliver:
With my uber-healthy stack (from over-the-top aggro-lagtard play, even for 6-max standards), I have 55 UTG with ~4x avg stack and almost 2x the biggest stack at the table who is in BB. I open-shove, and as it has been over and over, it's robo-folded around to BB. He tanks. He chirps "sooo... how do you know I don't have a s s e s", requests time, "hmmmmmmm.....", lets his clock tick all the way down to 3, types "hahahahaha", then calls for his whole stack, which is ~60% of mine.
He shows AA. Flop JJ5. My flopped boat holds up, stack is robusto, and the combo of his rant & the table chat is sick good. It flip-flops between his misspelled-obscenity-ridden description of how bad amylouwho/FullTilt riggaments are and the table laughing at him while reveling in the oh-so-tasty slow-roller karma.
I took pleasure in forwarding this sample to support (NSFW). Good times.

Dealer: Hand #14725618297
sp0rt69 (Observer): AMY
sp0rt69 (Observer): BASTSARD
sp0rt69 (Observer): MOTEHR FUKER
sp0rt69 (Observer): I &@$ UR MOTHER
sp0rt69 (Observer): EVERY DAY
sp0rt69 (Observer): BASTARD
sp0rt69 (Observer): OK U ARE FROM AMERICA
sp0rt69 (Observer): AND FULLTILT
sp0rt69 (Observer): GIVES U SOME HANDS
sp0rt69 (Observer): BUT UR MOTHER
sp0rt69 (Observer): IS STILL BI...TCH
sp0rt69 (Observer): MOTHER FUKER
sp0rt69 (Observer): U THINKU ARE A GOOD PLAYER NOW
sp0rt69 (Observer): U ARE NOT
sp0rt69 (Observer): U ARE JUST AMERICAN
Dealer: Hand #14725634608
sp0rt69 (Observer): MOTHER FUKER
AmSlim22: dont slowroll
amylouwho: lol
sp0rt69 (Observer): BUT
sp0rt69 (Observer): WHATEVER
sp0rt69 (Observer): UR MOTHER
amylouwho: slowroll = baaaaad karma
sp0rt69 (Observer): IS BIT......CH
sp0rt69 (Observer): BASTARD
Dealer: Hand #14725646467
sp0rt69 (Observer): MOTHER FUKER:)
sp0rt69 (Observer): OHH
sp0rt69 (Observer): HOW DO U FEEL?
sp0rt69 (Observer): ITS OK..DONT CRY
sp0rt69 (Observer): UR MOTHER IS A B...TCH
p0rt69 (Observer): BUT......
sp0rt69 (Observer): AND UR FATHER GAY
sp0rt69 (Observer): BUT WHAT TO DO
Dealer: Hand #14725659293
sp0rt69 (Observer): KEEP PLAYING POKER
sp0rt69 (Observer): :)
sp0rt69 (Observer): :))))))))))
sp0rt69 (Observer): I @&@ HIS MOTHER
sp0rt69 (Observer): EVERY NIGHT;)
sp0rt69 (Observer): OHHH
sp0rt69 (Observer): :)))))0
sp0rt69 (Observer): I LIKE ITTTTTTTTT
AmSlim22: sport we get it ur sad
sp0rt69 (Observer): SHE IS THE BEST
sp0rt69 (Observer): IM NOT SAD
sp0rt69 (Observer): :)
sp0rt69 (Observer): U ALL AMERICANS
Dealer: Hand #14725676268
sp0rt69 (Observer): STOLE ME
sp0rt69 (Observer): LIKE THAT
sp0rt69 (Observer): EVERY DAY:)
sp0rt69 (Observer): BUT ITS OK:)
Dealer: Hand #14725684407
sp0rt69 (Observer): XAXAXAXAXA
sp0rt69 (Observer): U MOTHER FUKER
sp0rt69 (Observer): AMERICAN BASTARD
Dealer: AmSlim22 wins the pot (3,300)
amylouwho: say goodbye to your chat priveleges slowroller - this is getting reported to support

Feeling like the poker gods are smiling down on me, being handed a top 3 sized stack with hundreds left opened up doors to wander around and gleefully explore aggro-tard fantasy land. (I wish I had saved the stats, but my best guess is that I won a hand without showdown every 2 1/2 to 3 hands played, and my showdown luckbox win % was off the meter high)

Anyway, fast forward another 1 - 1 1/2 hours to
Hmmmmm, like the flop or turn much?
We chopped most of top 3 $s, with $2k left to play for, ship a short few hands to take it down for a final score $18.8k, followed by the most fun chop ship ever. There are few things more fun in poker than firing cash at friends for their choppo share after a solid score.

Plus ship the custom FTP jersey with "amylouwho" on it, just like da Fuhrer in this video..
Funny in a non-PC degen kinda way

I'll admit it, I have this bookmarked in case I have another run like the first 8 1/2 months of this year:
Confidence booster link

End of October:
Sparked by the miniFTOPs score, the last 6 weeks have been a great run.

Between Stars WCOOP cashes/chops, decent full ring PLO/PLO8/NLO8 cash results, Harp's insane online heater with large & frequent chop ship barrels, a nice Luckbox trip to the SuperNova freeroll final table for a $7,700 uptick, and the random railfanboys cheering me on to final tables in donkey stakes PLO8 donkaments, the poker $ roll & job satisfaction is high.

I'm not sure which is the best part:
1) I'm back to looking forward to playing almost every day
2) Ship 2010! Between the last few night's steady luckbox/aggro production of deep runs in the nightly Stars PLO8 donkaments & a decent run in Cake rebuy Thursday night, I officially went over the hump to my goal for 2009 total win $s. Looks like another year of no jobament- woot!.

F you, Frist. I win for another year.

So to all the poker crew, I wanted to officially thank you for the support this year. It looked & felt mighty grim, and the end of my pro poker donk career seemed nigh, and you guys have been just great. Having people to ease the poker pain helped me slog my way through to the other side. I likely would've thrown in the towel without you all to vent to, get ideas from, talk strategy, all of it. Thanks.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

tossing a bucket of water onto the donkament heater

Just in case i was starting to feel a little too good about myself or how i'm playing, luckily I played like an unreal donk the last 2 nights to come back to mediocre-to-lameass-playing earth.

- 3rd in chips out of 6 remaining in an uber-soft Cake satellite giving away 3 seats, decided to open-shove for 14BBs from the button with 43o. why, i cannot say, but I got what I deserved and busto.
- With a healthy above avg stack in Cake rebuy with 80/250 left, i check-raise shoved a button raiser on a QT4 board with 66 when I was pretty sure he had a decent hand Again, I don't know why, but justice was served and busto.
- I managed to get all my money in bad in PLO FTP donkament not 1 or 2x, but 3 by sucking out the 1st 2x before my suicide attempts finally worked.

Poker gods were obv punishing me for the latest series of brag posts, so I'll go nack to noticing how much I usually suck & maybe the upticks will resume.

Man was that fun to run like Harp in short-handed minbet for a week. I made more final tables over 7 days than I had all year.

Maybe online donkaments + live cash are the new staples, I dunno.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

lol comebackaments

Email #1 - me to Pat 4pm
(he had 20% of me in a $55 Cake bounty tourney that started at 3pm)

seriously can i run any fking worse in these cake donkaments?

here's the grossness
Cake hand link
(started hand with above avg stack 8,527 in chips, 4-bet squeezed a smooth caller with AQ, he snappo-called for 7k with KJo, and I ended the hand with 319 in chips with blinds at 50-100 & all ramped up for my tilty air shove for 3BBs)

I made a little comeback in that same tourney though...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, Jul 25, 2009 at 8:50 PM
Subject: Tournament Prize Detail
Congratulations Sloppo,
Out of 310 players in Tournament 5787865 ($15,000 GUARANTEED BOUNTY!!), you came in 3rd and have won $1,085.00.
Best wishes,
The Cake Poker Team

nice sweat on coin flip for 350k pot (total of 900k in play in tourney)
Button opened for 40k, I 3-bet shoved with 66 into AdQd, flop 3 diamonds :( turn 6 : river brick, waah waah busto)

That was sick, sick fun

Friday, July 24, 2009

Heater uptick

Yeah, Splasher's a lock for the Cake rebuy Hall of Fame.

I have to say it does not suck to have friends who have entered some sort of Zen-like state of poker almost every night over an extended period, especially when they're generous enough to swap big pieces with you during the heater. Thanks, Pat- pressure's on now for me to make a deep run the WSOP ME with Horner at age 50 so I can fire a huge piece at you. I'll let him fill in details on his last run in his blog, but last night he put on a fun show.

Here's a visual representation of our chops this week

On the pro front, the results are in - I blow chunks at live poker in virtually every form. Ship the live poker win rate for 2009 of, wait for it, $3.75/hour. Sadly / pathetically, this is a huge improvement from the negative rate a couple of months ago. Also I cannot for the life of me avoid playing and/or running like crap in every bubble situation I climb my way into on Cake.

But apparently, if I swallow my ever-shrinking pro pride and plunge waaaaaaaay down into Donkey Stakes Land, it looks as though I crush the Omahaha-8 droolers. Think I'mam I running any good in my last dozen or so omahaha donkaments (at least the ones with buy-ins you can drum up shaking out in your couch cushions or returning SmarteCartes at the airport for 15 minutes) ?

Date Tournament Game Buy in Entries Rank Prize
23 Jul 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 218 2 $665 (2-way choppo)
20 Jul 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 178 7 $139
19 Jul 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 62 24 $0
19 Jul 09 Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLPL $5.50+ 752 4 $812
19 Jul 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 276 14 $65
18 Jul 09 Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLPL $5.50+ 635 57 $25
13 Jun 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 120 17 $56
13 Jun 09 No Limit Omaha OHNL $5.50+ 54 3 $209
06 Jun 09 No Limit Omaha Hi/Lo OLNL $5.50+ 126 22 $0
17 May 09 No Limit Omaha OHNL $5.50+ 70 22 $0
14 May 09 No Limit Omaha OHNL $5.50+ 57 14 $0
08 May 09 No Limit Omaha OHNL $5.50+ 61 1 $459

Monday, July 20, 2009


In today's beat the dead horse department, Cake donkaments are delicious. Pat has been absolutely crushing- cashing in 1/2 and hitting the final 1 or 2 tables a handful of times just this week. Sloppo & theSplasher vs. The Droolers $30 rebuy & bounty matches are playing nightly on Cake at 9 & 10pm, join in the LAGtardic fun.

After a mind-numbingly scary month of nightmarish thoughts ala "ohmygodifidontstartwinningihavetoupdatemyresumeohgoditburnseshelphelphelp", I went on a nice donkament bender-heater combo Sunday.

Over 12 1/2 hours Amy's tiny laptop screen was filled with rotating tourney chaos. Some stats:
- Donkaments:20 (Cake - NL, FullTilt - PLO, PokerStars - PLO8, Bodog - NL)
- Plates of food + cups of coffee delivered to couch or counter by my folks: double digits (I think I owe my Mom a cut for the poker-friendly environment)
- Breaks over 10 seconds long: 0 (donkaments don't really care how many cups of coffee you had, ship the constant laptop companion in the bathroom)
- Cashes: 7, Final Tables: 4, $s: +$2,400 woohoo!


1) Play along at home & test your Hellmuth factor

FTP, final 3 of PLO/8 tourney...

1st = $2,000
2nd = $1,300
3rd = $1,000

Villain who bets turn is pretty decent, but could show up with a lot of hands other than nuts/set

a) So what's your turn play, call or fold?
This assumes the best play is not available (i.e., go back in time to stop yourself from stuffing in chips with air on the flop).

For those of you who are on some Big Brother at Work server and can't see poker stuff, Villain bet enough to put us all in on turn & we have between 11 to 15 nut outs, plus 6 more cards that improve our hand & could possibly win.

b) OK, let's pretend you somehow knew Villain holds T987 for one lame-ass pair plus a semi-wrap and 2 diamond blockers, now what do you do?

Turns out it doesn't matter at all what you do as far as EV goes, even with 19/40 cards on turn to win and take huge chip lead or 21/40 to bust out in 3rd.

When you stuff the payouts & chip stacks into this ICM calculator:
EV of Tourney Equity if fold: $1,355
EV of call if win (~48%) $1,760 + $1,000 payday if lose (52%) = EV of call $1,351

c) Now that you know you'd be paying $4 to participate in a $750 coin flip vs roughly comparably skilled opponents, would you fold or call? (Although Villain did call a flop pot-sized bet with ten high and a draw to a draw, wtf? How did I lose to this donk?)

Basically I think this question tests whether you're Phil HellMouth and would fold a draw with correct / 0 EV odds to dodge variance & play it out OR would you decide to leave it up to the gambool poker gods?

Shocker, but I tanked then did the Blackjack dealer clap-handwave combo, embraced the variance, & stuffed it in. I'd like to believe I called thinking it was a solid +$EV play but um, yeah, that's pretty much delusional. More like ship the wonkin' coin flip wheeeee....

2) Who's the bigger spewMonkey, me or Villain?